Day 5

*Please note, all the names used in the blogs have been changed to stop people hunting them down and slapping them out*

Well, the day is finally here. My last day of Santa. So, here we go...

I decided to get public trasnport again this morning and let Matt do some housework in preparation for tomorrow, So I let left the house with 15 minutes to go till my bus.

I only live 5 minutes away from the bus stop, but I like to be there early. Luckily I do because the bus decided to be 7 minutes early!

Now, this is a world record for the bus line around my place because I have NEVER seen a bus early or on time before...so I was quite shocked. The good thing about the bus being early meant that I ha enough time to Stop @ Max Brennar for a take away white hot chocolate before I made it across the road to my next bus!

So, I went in and asked for my large white hot chocolate on skim to take away and the girl behind counter said to me "Hot chocolate on skim?" and I said "Yes."

And, she said "Isn't that silly? Chocolate is fatty and you're having skim milk...i just think that defeats the purpose!"

Needless to say I told her that I didn't have to buy my hot chocolate from her and would go next doof if she had a problem, in which she quickly made it for me and charged me for the price of a small instead of a large!

Fast forward to 10:16am when I step off my second bus at Kellyville after sitting infornt of a creepy guy that was a hevy breather the WHOLE way from Parramatta to Kellyville...And, I'm walking into the centre for the final time, and I see the guard that has key issues, so I wander up to him thinking he will be able to let me in...but they had taken the keys off him and gave them to another guard...maybe because he has issues getting them out of the hole?! So, he went with me to the other guard, got the keys and off we went to my dressing room...guess what happened? the friggin keys got stuck AGAIN!

This time, I left him there and we to buy a coke, something to eat and put my script in to the chemist to some meds for my foot (long story). When I came back he was just leaving, so it took him 15 minutes to get the key out...I guess he was too embarrassed to ask the other guard for help again!

11:00am...it's taken me 5 days, but I'm finally on time on the floor! YAY me....so off I go with 86 chocolates in my sack, a song in my heart and a body clock counting down the hours till Santa is a long forgotten memory.

Oh, I forgot to mention, when I was putting my script in I was walking past a bunch of kids when one of ladies (that gave me rocky road yesterday) yells out "Hello Santa!" WTF?!

Anyway, I have alot to do, so I'm going to cut straight to the goings on during my time on the floor...

1. Kitt asked for a curry making kit so she can cook like her mother.

2. Joshua wanted a bkie stand, but when his dad told me he didn't have a bike joshua replied, "No dad, I want one of them too."

3. 4 kids screamed when they saw me today

4. A few children hugged me today, even though in my training manual it tells me not to hug them....

5. I learnt today that parents a pushy bastrads - especially Indian + Asian ones. 1 poor girl today was all but forced to stand next to me a get photos while her father snapped away like a tourist at a theme park. the problem was, she was a little scared of me and whimpered the whole time...Bless.

6. while I was talking to some littlies, I felt someone standing over me, so when I had finished my duties I turned around and saw a down syndrome boy staring at me. He was 17 and wanted the Power Rangers on DVD, and he wouldn't let me forget.

Everytime we passed each other he would question me as to what I had requested...God I hope he gets what he wants, or there will be trouble in his house!

7. I got a lot of parents asking me what I wanted to eat and drink tonight when I visited them tonight. I told children not to give me beer because it's wrong to drink and drive, even if it is a sleigh and reindeers...hahaha Although, I was told by a mother and father that they were leaving out Oysters and Champagne for me...not that I like either of them, but still...lucky lucky lucky (i should be so lucky in love...haha)

8. Now, this is why Santas should have a meeting after they work to swap stories so this never happens. One girl came up to me to asked how Mrs. Clause was because "I" had told her at another centre that Mrs. Clause was unwell and was in bed sick with the elves looking after her. Why would you say somethign as stupid as that?!

Anyway, at 1:40pm I ran out of chocolates. So, 5 days and 576 magic elves chocolates later I took my fur trimmed boots for the last time, hung my costume up, wrapped my wig in it's net, kissed my beard goodbye as I put in paper and pack in the box and got ready to wish all the staff I had become friends with, Merry Christmas, had a quick perve on all the good looking guys that were wandering around, said goodbye to the guards, and much to my surprise Tibor had just rocked up to start his shirt, so I got to say goodbye to him aswell, jumped in Matt's car and head home...until, I realised I left my umbrella in my change room...LOL

Well, I hope you have all enjoyed reading my blogs.

That's me done.Merry christmas to all, and to all a good night xx

Troy :)

Day 4

Hello avid readers.

If you know well, you know that something always happens to me...Well, along with the Santa stories!It all started with my two bus trips out to Kellyville today. Well, nothing actually happened on those trips, and I actually made it there early! I was at the security office @ 10:13am to stick it up Tibor's arse.

But, Tibor wasn't there, it was his day off. One of the other security guards I had come across was sitting there, but he didn't have the keys to my change room...so we go wandering around the centre, that is like a T intersection. Finally, we find him wandering around the car park?!

Up til now I thought tibor was a nightmare to deal with, he's nothng compared to the guard today. Now, I'm not a racsist person (shut up everyone), but this guy was painful. He was South African/Nigerian or close to those nationalities and didn't speak nor understand english very well. When the other guard told him to unlock the office for me he took me up about 3 flights of stairs to some random room?! Then it took me 5 minutes to explain that this WASN'T the room I was meant to be in and that my room was near the loading dock...Fast forward to 10:36am, and i'm finally in my changing room with my little suit and a new box of chocolates I'm about to get dressed when the security guard says "Oh, shit!" Somehow, he had got the key stuck in the lock and was at it like a cat with a ball of wool trying to get the key out...What the...?! So, while he's stuffing around like a teen trying to open his first condom, I went about unpacking the my chocolates and putting then into my Santa Sack, preparing my costume and just getting in the zone...LOL

10:48am FINALLY!!! Aftercalling the other guard the key is freed from the lock and I have 12 minutes to get into my Santa suit, have my final swig of Coke Zero for 20 minutes and get on the floor to spread christmas cheer! I took me 13 minutes...Oops! Oh well.Alright, enough of the basic setting the scene stuff, here's what you all came here for...floor happenings! And, today's are fantastic!

1. Shane Lucas Paxton (6 years old), asked Santa for a see-saw. When I asked him why he wanted one his reply was "SO I can put my sister on it. jump on the other end and send her to the moon!" He also asked for a telescope, but I didn't ask why he wanted that incase it was so he could watch his sister splat into the moon or something.

2. A girl asked for a butterscoth dog. There's a toy on the market at the moment called Biscut the Dog. And it barks, walks, sits, etc... But, butterscoth, i'm not to sure. Maybe it's a new way to sell alcohol to kids?!

3. One of the fathers there today came up to me with his kids after my break when I returned to the floor and started saying some forward things to me like, "You must be hot under all that, why don't you come back to our place when you finsih and we can go for a swim." Ummmm, now he might've been attractive, and verging on a DILF. But, eeewwwww...he was cracking on to SANTA!

4. during one of my many floor walks I noticed some of the chocolates I had been handing out were white-ish. Which means one of two things:
1. they've melted and re-set...and due to the heat out there, I'm sure that's the reason. But,
2. They're off! I'd love for them to be off just so all those little kids go home and spew all over their xmas presents...Merry guy aren't I?

5. The lady at donut King gave me the photo of us form the other day and realised something...The girl I thought that was pinching my arse wasn't her at all...it was the other girl...Oops! and, I look like my father in that suit! AAARRRGGGGH!

6. And, I wanna give a shout out to the ladies at the chemist that saved me a piece of home made rocky road. These ladies were very friendly, and when I went back to get my RR during one of my breaks we had a great chat about xmas and a good bitch about customers and children wanting EVERYTHING!!

7. Speaking of everything. there two kids that followed me around for near to an hour and a half "adding" requests to their list everytime another child asked for something, they wanted it. In the end I said to them "You can ask for it, doesn't mean you are going to get it" It worked cause they stayed away after that! Well people, I have one more day of Santa to go, so hopefully tomorrow is full of stories for you all.

Goodnight xx