Day 3

Today was a little different as I had to rely on public transport to get me to my Santa venue...of course it was running late!! Which made me 2 minutes...yes, 2 minutes...the only reason I know I was 2 minutes late is because the tool security guard from day 1 thought it would be nice to tell me!

He can't friggin' understand English, but he understands what a call time is?! Go figure!!

So, I have to thank the driver on my 601 bus from Parramatta to Kellyville (there it's out of the bag, I'm @ Kellyville) who thought he would help an old guy that clearly had no intentions on riding on the bus and just asked stupid questions like "if I was to go to the Bunnings at Castle Hill what number bus would I get?" Who gives a shit? Shut up ol man and get off the bus before this Santa is late and has to deal stupid non English speaking guards! AAARRRGGGGH!

--Rant over--

for now...

So, I go to the "dressing room" and get all my things out and ready to go, when the guard, let's call him Tibor, opens the door and walks in...while I'm taking my pants off to put on my shorts...He announces that due to management being in today (the woman is a crack up), they'd need to do the right thing and lock the door everytime I leave and unlock it when I return...AWESOME!

So, I decided not to let it get to me as I'm playing Santa and need to be happy and jovial (something apparently my booking agent says I'm not), so following the steps I get ready to get on the floor...as in the shopping centre floor so I can work...Oh, I forgot to mention, I went to donut king to get a coke zero (or as I like to call it, my heroin) and a cream filled donut log thing...But, when I got there, who served me? The sex crazed worker that pinched my delicate arse on Monday (refer to day 1)

11:01am - I open the plastic doors and step on to the floor. the people at Baker's Delight and the butcher stare at me like always and have a giggle at me looking so ridiculous and knowing it's like 30 something degrees and I'm in a red velvet suit, fat suit, beard, wig and big black boots! yeh, ha ha ha....but while ur cuttig bread and meat I'm earning $53 an hour to do jack all!

Now, here are some of the requests and happenings I had while I was Santa-ing

1. four kids (3 girls and a boy) came up to speak to me. Unfortunately, I'm not sure what the girls were after as the boy, Jackson (aged 7) was hyeractive and jumping in my face everytime I turned away form him to speak to one of the girls. this is SOME of what he asked for...

* Blue Nintendo DS

* Green Nintendo DS

* Black Xbox 360

* A Real Helicopter

* AAAAAAAAAALL the Pokemon cards

* Red iPod Shuffle

* iPod Touch

* DVDs

* A real Submarine

* A year's supply of Ritalin in my opinion LOL

2. 6 year old Abby asked for an iPod with no screen...so I'm thinking she either wants an iPod shuffle/nano or a proper iPod and I can punch the screen so it's cracked and she won't have one. she wasn't to clear on the details...

3. A sweet little girl asked for a "Hit and swim Baby Born" Hhhhmmmm...I think she may have had the name wrong? Or Zaph Creations that make Baby Born have created a doll for children that wanna grow up to be bogans and practise physical abuse from an eraly age...afterall, I am working in Kellyville!

4. Another sweetie that had me in stitches, and her mother in shock was Sissy, who was 3 and had a big sister, Amy. Here is what Sissy asked for (you need to imagnie these being said in baby talk for the full effect):

* A baby doll

* A bottle

* A pram

* A dummy

* A boat and..

* A machine gun?!

Wow, Bi-polar sets in quick out west...LOL

5. One mother got angry at me because I had given her children chocolate and not somethng healthy like an Apple?! since when has Santa been health aware? He's an Obeese old guy with probably type 1 & 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and one brandy away form a heart attack!

6. This has been my fave moment so far. I wandered up to a woman with her two daughters that were sitting at Michel's Patisserie and said "Hello, what are your names?". the mother said, and I quote "We don't celebrate Christmas and my girls don't need you forcing it upon them, so can you stay away from this areauntil we have left!?"

In which my reply was, "Oh...OK....MERRY CHRISTMAS!!" Take that you dumb bitch! LOL

7. This is a mixture of other things I got asked for today to end my blog:

* A shovel

* Hannah Montana Doll

* 60,000,000 pink Nintendo DS consoles...every girl wants one!

* Spongebob Squarepants stuff

* A photo of Zac Efron...wouldn't we all

Oh, I forgot to mention that Kellyville is an untapped source of hotness...yes, attractive males EVERYWHERE!

Well, that's me done. Join me tomorrow with a new box of chocolates and hopefully some more stories!

Laterz,Troy

ps. never fart in a santa suit...it can't escape until it works it way up and out of your beard while ur talking to some children...enough said

Day 2

Today was day 2 of my week as Santa.

I got to the shopping centre at 10:30am, and found a guard that could open up my room where my costume and stuff are.

Once I got there he asked me to lock the door when I left. but, that would mean I would have to find him every 20 minutes so he could unlock the door.

So we comprimised; I left the door unlocked and he wold come around and check it out!! So, he left me to get ready, I unpacked my kit and followed the steps to become the Jolly ol' fart...20 minutes later and I'm on the floor.

106 chocolates later a request for a Chiuaua, being told that is a little girl didn't get her worms Nintendo DS game she would stop believing in me because it means I'm not real and a spoilt brat asking me for an iPod touch, clothes, dvd player, foxtel, cds, dvds and high school musical tickets, plus a lot of other ridiculous requests I took my outfit off, with white fur trim boots that are slightly pink now due to the pants being velvet and me sweating...oops! short story today, running late already for my bus...AAARRRRGH!

ho ho ho

Day 1 of 5

Today was my first day of playing Santa at shopping centre in the west of Sydney. And, I thoguht I would share my experiences with you, cause when you are working with kids things are bound to happen. So, read along and enjoy!

My call time today was 1030 to start as the jolly ol' man @ 11. to make sure I wasn't late, Matt and I left home at 930 incase the navman was going to play up or we got lost or something...of course that didn't happen and it only took us 20 minutes.

9:50am - Matt & I find a security guard at the centre that we think may be able to point us in the direction of Centre Management so I can pick up my costume and prepare myself for a day of fun...Sadly this wasn't the case. "Can you tell us where centre management is please?" "I am Centre Management" replied the guard...great start! So, after trying to explain to him:

1. Who Santa was

2. I was working there today

3. Who santa was again

We had a breakthrough and he showed Matt and I to the security office where another guard was, but no Santa kit.

After a few phone calls to my agent and various people from the Shopping Centre, one of who had no idea I was working there today or for the rest of week, we tracked down the missing Santa kit and we were on our way to get dressed.

10:15 after getting the suit out and making sure everything is ok, I crank up the air conditioning in the office and start making my transformation. I follow the instructions of how to get dressed as per my Santa training manual...

1. Remove all clothing, however we suggest you wear a cotton singlet and short under suit (I chose to wear a cotton on shirt and little shorts form Jay Jays...I may be santa, but I can be gay underneath).

2. Put on trousers so that the opening in on the right hand side (there is no centre fly opening ). Pull drawstring tight, make bow and tuck inside trouser. (that's all well and good but my pants were not like that...they were elastic. there was also a fat suit I put on).

3. Trousers tuck in to leather boots with gaiters on top of boots. Make sure you keep your boots shiny and clean.

4. Next is your coat. Put on and do up.

5. Now put your belt on.

6. Now look at your eyebrows. if there is just one hundredth of a part of black showing your eyebrows will be photographed black. Take a liner stick and colour them white. Do not put rouge on your cheeks or nose as it will run into the beard.

7. The beard. With it you use two points of leverage. First your law at the bottom - then put the elastic at the top of your head towards the back on the spot barbers call the 'bald spot' (this however, is not as easy as stated).

8. Now the wig, you get into the wig forward (??). Hold it in your right hand and steadying it with the left and pull it up, over and down. Now settle it and you are almost a Santa, apart form one more article, your hat.

9. Pull the hat on from the back. Adjust the front to a lone about half an inch up on the hair of your wig with one big curl sticking out. Set the hat to a rakish angle and then take the tassle and put it carefully to one side.

10. Next come your glasses.

11. Now put your gloves on and you are now the complete Santa!

It is now 10:50am, so I sit a relax befor going out and making the festive season festive.

11:00am - 2:00pm I work in 20 minute sets (20 on, 20 off). This doesn't always happen as I didn't have a watch, so my first set was 30 minutes (oops).

Now for the fun part. These are things that I was asked for or told or that happened to me while I was "on the floor"One boy asked me for World Peace which knocked me over. He was such a sweet kid and I got a little teary eyed as he explained why. His mum was very proud of him.

A little girl, 3 or 4, asked for not one but TWO "outside playgrounds".

There was numerous requsts for a Nintendo DS. Nintendo will be making a fortune this silly season.

One boy asked for "Educational materials" because "He has too many toys" said his mum. LOL - whose fault is that you stupid bitch?!

But, my faves were when a little shit of a kid followed me around the centre for 5 minutes telling me and anyone else that would listen that I wasn't the real Santa.

She would only go away when I told her I would have to move her to my naughty list if she didn't let other children talk to me....HAHAH.

Then there was the child that told me I wasn't real, I was created by toy companies to spoil children..But. My all time favourite was when the staff at Donut King asked to have a photo with me and when I stood there with them one of the girls pinched my arse. LOL

Well, there's my day for you all, hope you enjoyed this and look forward to reading the next few days!

Santa

Welcome

Hello everyone.

Welcome to my daily blog - this all came about because I was asked to
play Santa at a Shopping Centre in Western Sydney and thought it would

be interesting to blog my daily adventures as the big man on facebook.

It became quite a hit with my friends, so I have created this blog for everyone to read. There are onyl a few more days till Christmas, which means my Santa blogs will stop, but I thoguth I'd just blog my days and with a family like mine, there is bound to be some crazy stuff happening on Christmas day....so enjoy!