Day 3

Today was a little different as I had to rely on public transport to get me to my Santa venue...of course it was running late!! Which made me 2 minutes...yes, 2 minutes...the only reason I know I was 2 minutes late is because the tool security guard from day 1 thought it would be nice to tell me!

He can't friggin' understand English, but he understands what a call time is?! Go figure!!

So, I have to thank the driver on my 601 bus from Parramatta to Kellyville (there it's out of the bag, I'm @ Kellyville) who thought he would help an old guy that clearly had no intentions on riding on the bus and just asked stupid questions like "if I was to go to the Bunnings at Castle Hill what number bus would I get?" Who gives a shit? Shut up ol man and get off the bus before this Santa is late and has to deal stupid non English speaking guards! AAARRRGGGGH!

--Rant over--

for now...

So, I go to the "dressing room" and get all my things out and ready to go, when the guard, let's call him Tibor, opens the door and walks in...while I'm taking my pants off to put on my shorts...He announces that due to management being in today (the woman is a crack up), they'd need to do the right thing and lock the door everytime I leave and unlock it when I return...AWESOME!

So, I decided not to let it get to me as I'm playing Santa and need to be happy and jovial (something apparently my booking agent says I'm not), so following the steps I get ready to get on the floor...as in the shopping centre floor so I can work...Oh, I forgot to mention, I went to donut king to get a coke zero (or as I like to call it, my heroin) and a cream filled donut log thing...But, when I got there, who served me? The sex crazed worker that pinched my delicate arse on Monday (refer to day 1)

11:01am - I open the plastic doors and step on to the floor. the people at Baker's Delight and the butcher stare at me like always and have a giggle at me looking so ridiculous and knowing it's like 30 something degrees and I'm in a red velvet suit, fat suit, beard, wig and big black boots! yeh, ha ha ha....but while ur cuttig bread and meat I'm earning $53 an hour to do jack all!

Now, here are some of the requests and happenings I had while I was Santa-ing

1. four kids (3 girls and a boy) came up to speak to me. Unfortunately, I'm not sure what the girls were after as the boy, Jackson (aged 7) was hyeractive and jumping in my face everytime I turned away form him to speak to one of the girls. this is SOME of what he asked for...

* Blue Nintendo DS

* Green Nintendo DS

* Black Xbox 360

* A Real Helicopter

* AAAAAAAAAALL the Pokemon cards

* Red iPod Shuffle

* iPod Touch

* DVDs

* A real Submarine

* A year's supply of Ritalin in my opinion LOL

2. 6 year old Abby asked for an iPod with no screen...so I'm thinking she either wants an iPod shuffle/nano or a proper iPod and I can punch the screen so it's cracked and she won't have one. she wasn't to clear on the details...

3. A sweet little girl asked for a "Hit and swim Baby Born" Hhhhmmmm...I think she may have had the name wrong? Or Zaph Creations that make Baby Born have created a doll for children that wanna grow up to be bogans and practise physical abuse from an eraly age...afterall, I am working in Kellyville!

4. Another sweetie that had me in stitches, and her mother in shock was Sissy, who was 3 and had a big sister, Amy. Here is what Sissy asked for (you need to imagnie these being said in baby talk for the full effect):

* A baby doll

* A bottle

* A pram

* A dummy

* A boat and..

* A machine gun?!

Wow, Bi-polar sets in quick out west...LOL

5. One mother got angry at me because I had given her children chocolate and not somethng healthy like an Apple?! since when has Santa been health aware? He's an Obeese old guy with probably type 1 & 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and one brandy away form a heart attack!

6. This has been my fave moment so far. I wandered up to a woman with her two daughters that were sitting at Michel's Patisserie and said "Hello, what are your names?". the mother said, and I quote "We don't celebrate Christmas and my girls don't need you forcing it upon them, so can you stay away from this areauntil we have left!?"

In which my reply was, "Oh...OK....MERRY CHRISTMAS!!" Take that you dumb bitch! LOL

7. This is a mixture of other things I got asked for today to end my blog:

* A shovel

* Hannah Montana Doll

* 60,000,000 pink Nintendo DS consoles...every girl wants one!

* Spongebob Squarepants stuff

* A photo of Zac Efron...wouldn't we all

Oh, I forgot to mention that Kellyville is an untapped source of hotness...yes, attractive males EVERYWHERE!

Well, that's me done. Join me tomorrow with a new box of chocolates and hopefully some more stories!

Laterz,Troy

ps. never fart in a santa suit...it can't escape until it works it way up and out of your beard while ur talking to some children...enough said