Day 1 of 5

Today was my first day of playing Santa at shopping centre in the west of Sydney. And, I thoguht I would share my experiences with you, cause when you are working with kids things are bound to happen. So, read along and enjoy!

My call time today was 1030 to start as the jolly ol' man @ 11. to make sure I wasn't late, Matt and I left home at 930 incase the navman was going to play up or we got lost or something...of course that didn't happen and it only took us 20 minutes.

9:50am - Matt & I find a security guard at the centre that we think may be able to point us in the direction of Centre Management so I can pick up my costume and prepare myself for a day of fun...Sadly this wasn't the case. "Can you tell us where centre management is please?" "I am Centre Management" replied the guard...great start! So, after trying to explain to him:

1. Who Santa was

2. I was working there today

3. Who santa was again

We had a breakthrough and he showed Matt and I to the security office where another guard was, but no Santa kit.

After a few phone calls to my agent and various people from the Shopping Centre, one of who had no idea I was working there today or for the rest of week, we tracked down the missing Santa kit and we were on our way to get dressed.

10:15 after getting the suit out and making sure everything is ok, I crank up the air conditioning in the office and start making my transformation. I follow the instructions of how to get dressed as per my Santa training manual...

1. Remove all clothing, however we suggest you wear a cotton singlet and short under suit (I chose to wear a cotton on shirt and little shorts form Jay Jays...I may be santa, but I can be gay underneath).

2. Put on trousers so that the opening in on the right hand side (there is no centre fly opening ). Pull drawstring tight, make bow and tuck inside trouser. (that's all well and good but my pants were not like that...they were elastic. there was also a fat suit I put on).

3. Trousers tuck in to leather boots with gaiters on top of boots. Make sure you keep your boots shiny and clean.

4. Next is your coat. Put on and do up.

5. Now put your belt on.

6. Now look at your eyebrows. if there is just one hundredth of a part of black showing your eyebrows will be photographed black. Take a liner stick and colour them white. Do not put rouge on your cheeks or nose as it will run into the beard.

7. The beard. With it you use two points of leverage. First your law at the bottom - then put the elastic at the top of your head towards the back on the spot barbers call the 'bald spot' (this however, is not as easy as stated).

8. Now the wig, you get into the wig forward (??). Hold it in your right hand and steadying it with the left and pull it up, over and down. Now settle it and you are almost a Santa, apart form one more article, your hat.

9. Pull the hat on from the back. Adjust the front to a lone about half an inch up on the hair of your wig with one big curl sticking out. Set the hat to a rakish angle and then take the tassle and put it carefully to one side.

10. Next come your glasses.

11. Now put your gloves on and you are now the complete Santa!

It is now 10:50am, so I sit a relax befor going out and making the festive season festive.

11:00am - 2:00pm I work in 20 minute sets (20 on, 20 off). This doesn't always happen as I didn't have a watch, so my first set was 30 minutes (oops).

Now for the fun part. These are things that I was asked for or told or that happened to me while I was "on the floor"One boy asked me for World Peace which knocked me over. He was such a sweet kid and I got a little teary eyed as he explained why. His mum was very proud of him.

A little girl, 3 or 4, asked for not one but TWO "outside playgrounds".

There was numerous requsts for a Nintendo DS. Nintendo will be making a fortune this silly season.

One boy asked for "Educational materials" because "He has too many toys" said his mum. LOL - whose fault is that you stupid bitch?!

But, my faves were when a little shit of a kid followed me around the centre for 5 minutes telling me and anyone else that would listen that I wasn't the real Santa.

She would only go away when I told her I would have to move her to my naughty list if she didn't let other children talk to me....HAHAH.

Then there was the child that told me I wasn't real, I was created by toy companies to spoil children..But. My all time favourite was when the staff at Donut King asked to have a photo with me and when I stood there with them one of the girls pinched my arse. LOL

Well, there's my day for you all, hope you enjoyed this and look forward to reading the next few days!

Santa